hellooooooo sweet friends,
i'm here to give you the permission you never knew you needed. early on in our infertility journey, someone really close to me gave me this permission & i am SO grateful she told me this because when we finally took it to heart, it was a dang game changer in terms of mental health, a happy marriage & faith in God.
so here's the life-changing permission i'm giving you:
you can take breaks from infertility treatments if you need to
& you don't even need a reason other than, "i need to take a break."
twitter saw this first, but i'm going to share it again here because i feel REALLY strongly about this topic. if you're enduring infertility treatments & you're having a hard time, it's 50000000000% okay to take a break from trying.
after being unsuccessful for 20 months in a row, i was D O N E. that doesn't mean i was done trying for forever, it simply means that my body, mind & heart needed a break. we FOR SURE still want a baby! but emotionally, i couldn't do the cry every single day, get headaches all the time + pay attention to EVERY. SINGLE. THING. my body does roller coaster.
i needed a break.
he needed a break.
we needed a break.
so we stopped treatments for the summer. we stopped trying for the summer. & for the first time in TWO YEARS (TWO YEARS, PEOPLE), i've felt like myself again. i have more good days than hard days. i laugh more than i cry (i still cry ya'll. i'm just a crier). i want to go out more. i want to spend time with my friends. i feel energized. i feel less stressed (i'm also a stress case, so i still get stressed over other things). i enjoy food. i enjoy work. i love spending time with my nieces & nephews. I BOUGHT BABY GIFTS WITHOUT CRYING. we argue less. we have more fun on dates. we laugh more. we play with our puppy more.
if you need a break, TAKE A BREAK.
trust me, i know the thoughts rolling through your head right now. & guess what. they're lies. here are a few of the lies you tell yourself during infertility treatments:
1. if we take a break & don't try this month, we'll miss our ONE CHANCE at having a baby
2. my family/friends will think i'm being dramatic & that i'm not really infertile if we don't try every single month
3. i have to suffer through infertility treatments. i cannot be happy.
4. i can't be happy because i don't have kids
5. all of my friends are having kids & they don't want to spend time with me
6. i have nothing to offer/i have no purpose if i can't have kids
7. taking a break is selfish/if i take a break i must not want babies that badly
friend, these are lies. you CAN be happy. you CAN take breaks & still want babies just as much. it is possible for happiness & sadness to co-exist. you can, can, CAN feel alive again; the numbness can go away (even while still going through infertility treatments!!).
sweetie, take care of yourself. even if that means taking a break from trying.
if you're not ready to take a break but are struggling with your infertility journey, i've got another thing for you, friend. good grief is a prompt journal that i created for all of you friends who need help coping with the emotions, questions & battles of infertility. you can order good grief here.