mother's day + infertility = good grief

a few days ago at work, one of my friends asked me if mother's day is hard for me.

the answer to that question is yes. it's a day where all of my emotions come together & basically explode.

i'm so happy & love the opportunity to be able to honor my mom, mother-in-law, sisters & sisters-in-law, grandmas & aunts. i have such fond memories of mother's day & i am so grateful that my parents taught me to serve & give & honor those women in our lives on mother's day. it truly brings my heart so much joy to be able to celebrate these women who do so much. but for the last few years, mother's day has also brought feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, sadness & grief. attending church is difficult on mother's day & celebrating is one of the last things i want to do. 

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each year, i still buy mother's day gifts for the moms in my life because gift giving is one of the big ways that i show love. i try to think of gifts that will mean something, but is also practical. 

this year, i wanted mother's day to be different. i still got gifts (because, hello, showing love) but i wanted to do something that would help me & that would help others in a similar situation as me. i knew that sharing our story helped other people, but i wanted to do more. i wasn't sure what to do, but then one day it hit me.

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ever since we started our infertility journey, i have looked for prompt journals for those going through infertility to help me write out the feelings & emotions that come. i searched high & low for something to tell me that whatever i was feeling was valid & okay. i hoped & waited for someone to publish a journal that would give me that validation & help me sort that all out. & it never happened. i waited a little longer & then the thought finally occurred to me, "why don't YOU write a prompt journal?" so i wrote out things that i wish people had told me. i wrote out prompts that would have helped me sort out my feelings. i asked dozens & dozens of women who had been through or are still going through infertility what they wish they would have written down, what has helped them & what they would tell someone else. their answers were incredible. i couldn't have created this without them. & then i reached out to my dear friend elise from elise creates. she is a real genius when it comes to graphic design. she helped us create the most stunning pages for our journal. as parker & i were discussing how we could make this journal come about, we started talking about what we would call the journal. we talked about the fear, rejection, disappointment, hope, love, grief & every other emotion that comes with infertility & we settled on: good grief

i love the title good grief because it makes me feel as though there's a purpose to our infertility journey. not just to suffer, but to overcome. that our grief can be turned into something more & something better. grief may still be there, but it doesn't define us in a negative way.

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our journal has daily prompts with lots of room to write. there are cycle trackers (because let's be real, that's a huge part of infertility). there are inspirational quotes throughout the journal to help you keep that chin up! we've also included pages for doctor appointment notes. & my personal favorite pages are the pages for you to write goals that don't pertain to motherhood or pregnancy; to help you focus on living your life THROUGH infertility. 

i believe firmly in the power of written words. i believe that there is so much healing that can come through writing. i believe that our grief can be turned into good grief if we will allow it to become such. i am so, so excited for this journal to go into the hearts, hands & homes of those who are waiting for miracles. i hope that when you find out that someone is going through infertility, that you'll think of our journal & that you'll be brave enough to give it to your friend or even just recommend it to them. 

our journal will be launching & available for purchase summer 2018. 
sign up for my newsletter for updates on good grief, the journal.

UPDATE: you can now order Good Grief here

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to the moms in my life: i love you & i am so grateful for you & your example of pure love. i look up to you in every way. i am grateful for the love, support, kindness & sensitivity you've shown me & given me. happy mother's day. 

anniversary photos from last year by the incredible alice jane photography.