wednesday letters: memorial day weekend 2018

the last few months have been a blur. sometimes a good blur & honestly, sometimes the kind of blur where i want to just lay in bed for days, turn my phone off & just never talk to anyone again. i feel like sometimes life really is a series of REALLLLLLY high highs and REALLLLY low lows. and lately, that's how my life has felt. there have been so many FANTASTIC MOMENTS & then also so many moments where i'm just ready to curl up & cry. 

i've also felt like i've been a giant mess. about two months ago, my life kind of got flipped upside-down in more ways than one. we lost our sweet mackie & in the same weekend, unbeknownst to me, i lost my planner. that seems like a small thing to be so worried about, but that thing held my life. i took it EVERY WHERE with me. it helped me remember the small plans that were made daily, the big things that were planned out in advanced (that i still manage to forget about), it helped me schedule my shoots AND editing, i wrote my editorial calendar out on it, i wrote birthdays, i wrote calls for work, i... well, you get the picture. i've seriously been looking for it for the last two months in hopes that it would show up & welp. here we are a few days away from june & i have no planner to speak of. *insert BAWLING emoji here* so not only was i grieving my pup, but i just really, really, really felt like a huge mess. 

april was a tough month. if i'm being completely honest. i was busy & so, so sad. so i determined to make may better. while i was still sad, i worked SO much & kept myself almost insanely busy. i had shoots almost every single day & traveled most weekends. but the best things happened all over memorial day weekend. (after getting hit with the worst stomach bug that knocked me out cold for two days straight)

this last weekend, we got another puppy. i was so incredibly nervous to get another dog. i didn't want people to feel like we were replacing mack or that we didn't care about our mackie, because that is the farthest thing from the truth. we love our mack boy & miss him so much, but we felt that we needed another pup. i wasn't feeling quite ready for a puppy yet, but parker was so, so ready. we looked for puppies & were about to get one puppy & i just did not feel good about it. i couldn't figure out why i felt so strongly that THAT puppy wasn't ours, but i just knew it wasn't. we kept looking & we found a family selling toy poodles (the same breed as mackie). we texted them almost right away to see if their puppies were still available. they said they were & the next morning we went over to meet them. & then we went home with a tan puppy that we named mozzie (where are all my white collar fans at?!?!). he is currently 8 weeks old & the sweetest + spunkiest (& scarediest) puppy you'll ever meet. he has a little bit of social anxiety & gets nervous around new people, but if you hold him close, odds are, he'll snuggle right up to you & fall asleep. parker & i laugh at how similar mack & mozzie are personality-wise. they both LOVE to play & have just been champion puppies. they're both mildly awkward & clumsy. they both love me the best (hahahaha. just kidding.. kind of). they're both master escape artists-- always finding ways out of their play areas. they're both FEARLESS when it comes to heights; mackie would jump off anything to get where he wanted to go & mozzie is the exact same way, but he's still working on his landings (he usually face plants it hard). but the most important thing: they both belong in our family. we wouldn't be complete without them. (am i a dog person now???? i don't even know myself)

we also had my parents visit this weekend & i just loved having them here for a visit. my dad helped us shiplap our bedroom wall + add shelves in our bathroom. PICTURES TO COME. it turned out SO good & i am so, so excited for the space that was created in our bathroom. we also moved a few things around in our bedroom & now have SO MUCH SPACE. like i didn't know that space existed in our room? but it does, & it is a beautiful thing. parker also worked on the backyard this weekend & IT IS LOOKING SO GOOD. we are so, so, so excited to spend lots of time in the backyard this summer. stay tuned. i'm going to be posting more about all of this at the end of the week! 

with all of the ups & downs of life recently, i am just feeling so grateful for all of the ups. we've had so many tender mercies & i am so grateful for those moments during the harder days. i hope that you had the best holiday weekend. i am so grateful for the men & women who have given their lives so that we can have the freedoms we all enjoy.