learning to understand God's plan for me

throughout my life, God’s plan for me has been pretty easy. keeping commandments & doing the little things was just a part of my every day routine. then when the time came for a big decision or change, i would pray about something, make a decision & doors would just open. i’d jump in with two feet & blind faith & the blessings would come. it was easy. & i relied on that ease. 

after coming home from my mission, things started to get, well, less easy. i had to wait longer for the blessings to come. praying & reading scriptures daily suddenly got much harder. 

i still struggle every single day to pray & read my scriptures. in fact, it is harder now than it has ever been because i have had a really hard time desiring to pray & read. every time i try to start a new good habit, the distractions seem to FLOOD in. 

i’ve been pondering & thinking a lot about God’s plan. i can remember times in my life where i was so, so sure that God had a specific plan for me. i wasn’t worried about when or what was going to happen in my life because i knew God was in control. i trusted Him. 

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not that this isn’t the case anymore, please don’t misunderstand. i know God has a plan. i know He knows ME. but lately, i’ve felt frustrated with my Heavenly Father & His plan. i’ve tried to understand His plan for me over & over again, but i just can’t seem to get it. 

this morning, a quote literally stopped me in my scroll. i read it & knew it was what i needed to hear. 

i’ve felt like i’m searching for the rainbow, waiting for the rain to pass. but never thanking God for the rain.

i grew up in a town where we prayed for rain. & when the rain came, we were so, so excited & said lots of prayers of thanks. we would even ask for the rain to stay. because rain helped the crops grow & nurtured the land. 

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as i’ve pondered that little parable today, i wondered when the last time was that i was grateful for the rain. have i thanked Heavenly Father for the time i have with just parker? have i thanked Him for the opportunity to live with my sweet grandmother? have i thanked Him for our cute mack who teaches me about love & forgiveness every day? have i thanked Him for the opportunities that He gives me to have a job that i love? have i thanked Him for the doctors that have helped us at our appointments? 

the rain in our lives us what helps us to grow. if we spend our whole lives looking for the end of our trials, we won’t ever learn from them.

today, i am resolving to do better at thanking God for the rain in my life. i am so grateful that i can start fresh TODAY because of my Savior. even if i don’t know how or what to do, i can reach up to Him & He will help me find the way. 💕

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