a part of history.

I know that General Conference was two months ago, but I feel like I need to share my feelings about President Monson's life changing announcement and my journey since then. Ever since the announcement, I have been running around trying to get myself prepared to head out to St. Louis. (22 days!) It's been a crazy, crazy, crazy two months. But it has been a very good two months.

You wanna know why?

Because this happened.
and this.
and this.

I am so happy and excited to be able to be a part of history! When I was in high school, going on a mission was always something I wanted to do, but thinking about the age made the opportunity to go on a mission seem so difficult and so far away. [21 is quite a while to wait. especially if you're going to BYU-I... do...] I wasn't sure how things were going to work out. I wanted to go on a mission, but if I had the opportunity to get married, I was going to take it. After all, I was 19 years old [still two years from a mission] and just starting college. Needless to say, my focus was not on a mission. But I had decided that "if I made it to 21," I would go on a mission.

But Someone had a different plan for me. A very different plan. In January, I [finally] got to go to college. I was in an apartment with two extremely mission-focused girls. And I was boy crazy. [I was husband hunting... But as my dad would say, "That's why they call it hunting."] My roommates talked about going on missions all. the. time. And then I realized that I was 19. Almost 20. [so it was still January and my birthday wasn't until November... but still, a year isn't that long] When you're 20, you get to put your mission papers in. I started really thinking about the whole "mission idea." And I was liking it. [gasp!] I was liking it a whole lot. And I didn't have a boyfriend; kind of an important part of getting married. I kept thinking about it. The semester ended and I got two new roommates. I spent a lot of time thinking about a mission, but I also spent a lot of time thinking about boys [I still had a whole year before I could put my papers in. A lot can happen in a year.]... well, one boy. And then he got his mission call. The day he read his call, I was in a weird funk. I was really excited for him, but I really wanted that letter to be for me. And I couldn't stop thinking about the day I would get my mission call. And I wanted it to come sooner. I even wrote in my journal, "I want to be a missionary now, I don't want to wait until next year."

[Little did I know, I wouldn't have to wait.] But I still felt like I wasn't going to make it to 21. I had started fearing the option of marriage. Even though a [rather large] part of me wanted so badly to be on "the marriage boat," with everyone else. My future was so unclear. "Daunting and terrifying" even. I knew that the next few years of my life [in the decade of decision] were going to literally change the course of my life.

On October 6, 2012, my course was officially changed. I was going on a mission and I was going now. I called my mom right after the announcement and said, "Mom, I'm going on a mission!"

I know that the Lord is mindful of me, He knows what I need, when I need it. I know that I am supposed to go to the Missouri St. Louis Mission because that is where I am needed and where I will be able to do the most good. I know that my Savior lives. And that He loves me. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored on the earth and it is in full motion. This work is the Lord's work and I am so excited to be a part of it!

For all those who feel like they don't know where their life is going, or like they have missed the boat [whether that be the marriage boat, or the mission boat, or whatever boat you think is sailing off without you], You haven't missed the boat. Keep waiting. It's coming. Trust in the Captain-- He can see the ice burgs, the rough waves, and everything else out there. Trust Him.


a page from my journal, dated October 4, 2012.
why, yes, that is me worrying about becoming a crazy cat lady at the top of the page...

side by side. the next entry was literally my General conference notes. I didn't get much farther than the announcement that day though. I was seriously so excited!